


Invasion

by brotherfuckers



Series: Striderclan [123]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Family, Fluff, Gen, Mentions of incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 07:43:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3760159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brotherfuckers/pseuds/brotherfuckers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Lalondes usually give a little more warning about coming to visit Houston, giving the Striders time to prepare for the girls’ arrival. But sometimes they don’t</p>
            </blockquote>





	Invasion

Bro reads the text when he wakes up.

tenaciousGenarch: We will arrive in twelve hours.

He can feel the panic setting in like an ice cold wave crashing into his neck because that was sent at four in the morning after everyone had properly gone to bed, even with the Striders’ crazy ass sleep schedule. It’s been hours since. He looks at the clock just to confirm how little time is left. He looks around to the rest of the apartment, to the state of an apartment that four bachelors are living in. There is another tidal wave of panic.

“Hal, when does D come home?” It’s impressive how steady his voice sounds in contrast to the way his organs feel like they want to crumple up and hide.

His plane lands in three hours.

“Shit.” Just in time to come home but not enough to help out on this end. “Send him a message that the Lalondes are on their way. Actually tell him to stay at the airport to pick them up. How did she know he was coming back?”

Mom’s coming?

“And the girls.”

Shit.

He doesn’t have time to agree with the little bot as he pulls on a pair of sweatpants. He runs to the twins bedroom.

“Get up, get up!” he bellows loudly. He takes a little joy in seeing the boys jump in their beds. “They’re coming!”

“Wha- What? Who?” Dave blinks blearily.

As the smarter twin Dirk asks the salient question, “How soon?”

“Four hours.”

“Fuck.”

“Whut? What’s going on? Get me coffee before you guys speak in riddles. Stupid same brains.”

“The girls. They’re coming here.”

“WHAT?” Dave nearly falls off his bed. “NO! Shit, shit! Nothing is cleaned! Where are we going to put all of the porn? No!”

“Stop panickin’ and put on somethin’ ya can clean in. We got work to do,” Bro orders.

“I’ll take the bathroom. Bro, you have the main room. Dave, kitchen,” Dirk orders out. He hates cleaning the bathroom, but it’s the only way the shit will get as clean as it needs to be. With the least amount of bitching. “Actually Bro, first, energy drinks all around.”

Bro nods and gets moving as the boys put on clothes suitable to getting dirty. He comes back shortly with a couple of cans. He shotguns his while the boys roll their eyes. Dirk gives everyone five minutes to wake up fully before sending everyone to work.

The bathroom thankfully isn't too disgusting because while they are all bachelors, they aren't animals. Which is more than he can say for the guys at school. Those locker rooms are always filthy. There aren't any stains or anything left over after Dirk gives the toilet and bathtub a quick once over. The shower takes a little longer to get all of the soap scum that’s built up on the door. Dirk also has to throw out two empty bottles of shampoo, an empty bottle of conditioner, three bottles of body wash, and a bottle of lube. He chucks the other three bottles of lube at Bro who just catches them in rapid fire and tucks them into the box with the rest that he’s found across the apartment.

He found a total of thirty bottles, including three from the bathroom, in various states of emptiness. He tosses out any that were empty or nearly empty and throws the rest into one of many boxes slowly filling up with any sexual related material. He is so glad that they have extra attic space where they can shove everything. It’s going to be tricky to capture of all of the smuppets and other illicit projects around the apartment, but the trash bags from under the kitchen sink promise to be extra flexible to hold onto anything. Plus, afterwards they’ll provide perfect smuppet bombs to trap Dave and D. Dave already has the bags out and just tosses Bro a couple.

He already has one open and by the fridge as he scoops anything too questionable from the refrigerator shelves. He finds that they had four containers of sour cream. Only one was out of date. There a couple mushy vegetables in the drawer and one apple that has turned nearly completely brown and a bit dehydrated. Probably the only thing keeping it from sentience. The farther he goes in, the more he’s throwing out. Apparently he needs to take over the shopping again. And teach Bro to check the fridge before making another grocery run.

“Bro? When was the last time we had spaghetti?”

“Uh... Let’s see, it’s been... hm... I don’t actually remember. Last month maybe? Why?”

“Because I can’t remember either but I found a container of it.”

“Oh god.” Bro looks up and over at Dave when he lifts it up. Even across the room he can see the discoloration through the plastic. “Toss it. Toss the whole thing. Don’t even try to save the container. Nope. Just gone.”

“Good. I was going to have you open and clean it if you wanted to save it. You probably would have gagged over it like a bitch. And that’s a waste of a good gag when you could be gagging over my cock.”

“Lame!” Dirk calls out in protest to Dave’s dialog.

“I have to get it out of my system before Rose gets here. If she gets an inkling, we’re all doomed. Doomed I say!” Dave calls back dramatically.

“True, but I’m still not sucking your cock for a good week after the girls leave,” Bro chimes in.

“Aww,” Dave complains as he throws away something that could have been nachos in a past life. He finishes clearing out the fridge and makes a run to the trash chute with his arm loaded down with all of the trash in the apartment, a bag from Dirk too. Bro nails him in the head with a red smuppet as he comes back in, causing him to flail and throw it back at Bro’s face but Bro just catches it and slam dunks it into the bag he is working on. Three bags in and it looks like he nearly done. He loads them up to the crawlspace attic and straightens that area up a bit. Not that Mom would be snooping that far (he hopes) but it needs to be done. They got derailed last time they were cleaning by Dave trying on his pink dress. The boy does look good in pink frills. Even though he won’t be sucking Dave’s cock anytime soon maybe he can get one...

“Bro! Stop jacking off in the attic!” Dirk calls out as he wanders through to get another sponge from under the kitchen sink. He barely avoids the mess of Dave’s soapy, dripping hands when he ducks under where Dave is valiantly trying scrub off some caked on chili. He gives Dave his condolences as he goes to tackle and clean up the sink and mirror.

At the end of three hours, the apartment is looking better and smelling better too. Bro goes ahead and cracks open the window to let some fresh air in. Hal is on bird patrol on the sill. The bathroom and kitchen are sparkling. The slipcover is neatly in place over the futon to hide any extra stains. The last load of laundry is running through the dryer. The next area to tackle is the twins' bedroom.

Bro’s cell phone cuts through the room just as the boys start to head in that direction. They all freeze before Hal chimes in with “It’s just D!” They relax and Bro answers with a nonchalant, “Sup.”

“They’re coming? Holy shit. I’ll stay here and pick them up. Is the apartment clean? Is the bathroom clean? Especially the seat. Is the fridge clean? Is there food in the fridge? Do we have a wine for Mom?”

“Calm your tatas, D. Apartment is sparklin’ as shit and lemony fresh. Fridge is emptied of all science experiments. We don’t have a wine but I’ll do a grocery run while the boys finish up their rooms.”

“Sex toys? Smuppets? Lube?”

“All tucked away. And we really should buy some stock in KY.”

“Already have some,” Dave cuts in.

“Nice. Anyways, we got everythin’ squared away.” He can hear the sigh of relief on the other end of the phone.

“They sure didn’t give us much time.”

“Accordin’ to Mom’s logic, she gave us twelve hours.”

“She didn’t.”

“She did. I got the text at four in the mornin’ apparently.”

“Fuck,” it’s said with a laugh. “Did she give you any reason to why we are being invaded?”

“Nope.”

“Fantastic. Okay... it sounds like you are holding down the fort there so I’ll wait here and meet the girls when they land. Double check all of the hidey places for any more lube.”

“Gotcha. Have fun waitin’.”

“Oh you know it. Later.”

“Later.” Bro does know it. D will be trying to work out why they are visiting even before he can ask them. “Alright, brats, ya heard the plan. Gonna go make a grocery run.”

“Here.” Dave pointedly hands him a grocery list that he wrote up while Bro is on the phone. “Make sure to get everything. I’ll make dinner tonight.”

“Mom’s gonna love that.” He ruffles Dave’s hair before flashing away to collect everything that he needs to make the store trip. Dave is still trying to calm his hair back down by the time Bro is out the door. Dirk’s tugging at his arm to get started on cleaning their room.

They know the drill. Each takes their side and tosses mixed items onto the other’s bed. They clean up the last bits of clothes and school stuff. They throw anything illicit into a box in the middle of the room to put up in the attic. They even make their beds and vacuum the floor before Bro comes back.

When they hear him, they go out to help him put everything away (and for Dave to double check to make sure he got everything that was requested). They stop in their tracks when they see the extra bag full of what looks like Nerf guns.

“Dave?”

“Those totally weren’t on the stopping list.”

“Shuddup you two. They were on sale and I couldn’t help myself.” He tosses that bag onto the futon and takes the rest into the kitchen. Dirk looks through the weaponry while Dave goes to the kitchen to check over the rest of the stuff.

“Sure you couldn’t. You know Roxy is just going to kick your ass when she sees them.”

“Better that than her tryin’ to take up one of the swords.”

Dave just shrugs and helps Bro put stuff away. Looks like everything he asked for is here. Just plus nerf guns.

“The Lalondes have landed,” Hal announces from eir position.

“Update us again when they get to the parking lot.”

They get another sweep of the apartment done, with Bro inspecting the boys’ room and helping tuck the box of toys and lube up into the attic. They all get dressed into something nicer than what they cleaned in. Bro closes the window and Hal curls up on eir charger, wanting as much juice as ey can get so ey can ride around with Roxy in eir sprite chassis. The extra Brobot chassis is handy for New York but she rarely get to see Hal in eir shiny orange body. Maybe she can convince Bro to make em a dress that will fit with the wings.

Hal calls out another announcement when the girls are on the premises. The boys try to act natural around the apartment and only partially succeed by the time the Lalondes come crashing through the front door. Or at least the pink haired bundle of energy comes crashing through, leaping onto the futon and across both twins’ laps before finally coming to a stop.

Mom and Rose enter with much more grace. D stumbles in afterwards carrying three suitcases. Bro smirks at how out of breath he is. He bites back a statement about being old because he knows that he’d just get burned in return by the others. Smart asses, the lot of them. He does help with the door before getting his customary greeting hug from Mom. “Hi Mama.”

“Mother, you gave them much too much time. They’ve cleaned everything up already,” Rose comments as she looks around. She leans on the back of the futon between her two twin brothers. “They didn’t leave me any juicy secrets to find.”

“What secrets? We’re open books, Rose. Nothing to hide. What do you take us for? A shifty eyed fraternity that performs occult services in the basement while trying to dredge up even the smallest of demons to lock up in a trophy cabinet and accidentally summoning the prophesized one that will start the end of the world by calling down meteors as big as New York City down? No wait, make that as big as Jupiter- no, too big. Let’s scale that back down to Texas. Meteors the size of Texas because something the size of Jupiter would just wipe us out of the solar system like a bolder smashing a tiny little pebble into finer grains of sand. I promise you Rose that we are not planning on doing anything that would turn Earth into a tiny little galactic grain of sand.”

“Ooh, a nervous rant. What do you have to be nervous about, Dave?” she questions and gets a bunch of sputters of protest out of Dave. Dirk and Roxy just roll their eyes at the two before Roxy starts asking Dirk about a programming question that she had been thinking of since they took off from New York. Hal overhears and flutters over to help answer but ends up distracting her as Roxy lets out a squeal of delight over the fancy chassis, snatching em out of the air.

“Careful with the merchandise, sis,” Bro drawls from the other side of the room.

“Oh she’s fine! I know you and Dirk made it so I know she’s not going to break that easily.”

“You made that?” Mom asks as she looks over.

“Yup. Hal’s mobile chassis. It’s handy to have em flyin’ ‘round the apartment. It was either that or create a shelvin’ contraption to let em walk e’erywhere in the Brobot just like the wall maze ya put together for your kitties.”

“Ah, I see. It’s good work, Derrick. I’d like to see what else you are working on.”

Bro keeps a straight face as he avoids thinking about the latest line of smuppets he’s been working on. Instead he has a legitimate stage puppet contraption that he’s been working on that he can show her over by his work area.

D takes the distracted opportunity to subtly check out the rest of the apartment, but it certainly seems as if they had done a great job. He relieves himself quickly and then comes back around just in time to rescue Dave from yet another inquiry by Rose. “Would you like something to drink, Rose? Something to tide you over before you write your thesis on Dave’s mental landscape.”

“Are you offering your mental landscape instead, D? Something with caffeine please. Coffee preferable. I accidentally got myself addicted while studying.”

“I can whip you something up. And actually a comparison between Dave and I would probably be your most interesting topic, seeing as we are so similar.”

“If you want a case of similar brain, do Dirk and Bro,” Dave offers, jumping on the chance to pawn the ‘opportunity’ to be Rose’s subject to someone else. “They were doing this shit this morning where they finish each other sentences and speak like they are having a second conversation in just their heads. It’s kinda creepy.”

“Are you sure you were actually awake for that? I thought Striders didn’t exist during the morning hours. And I also thought it was the twins that were supposed to have psychic powers. This needs further investigation. Oh Dirk,” she says sweetly as she turns to the other twin.

“Whatever Dave just signed me up for, I’m not interested,” he tries to dismiss, but he catches Rose’s smirk and knows that she’s just shelved it for another moment. “What I am interested in is why you are even here?”

“What? Can’t a mother want to visit her own children?” Mom says with an obviously fake tone.

“Of course she can. But  she usually also pairs it with another reason. A couple reasons usually.”

“Guilty as charged. It’s the girls’ spring breaks and while coming up with things to do, we found that there was a concert that they wanted to go see and it happened to be in Houston so why not visit our favorite boys along the way.”

“Spring break, huh? So y’all here for the whole week?” Bro asks.

“Only a couple of days. We also want to hit the beach. You are welcomed to come of course.”

“Sounds like fun. We can meet y’all down there over the weekend. The brats still got school and shit to finish up. Ain’t lettin’ them get away with any senoritus.”

“It’s totally unfair, Mom, he doesn’t even let us do senior skip day,” Dave whines.

“And you think she’d be any more sympathetic to you?” Rose asks over his shoulder. “She sent me back to school after an AP test. Oh thank you, D.”

“Education is very important. Just ask Richard and Derrick. I was their teacher for a couple of years.”

“Y’all have it easy,” Bro admits and gets a tap to the back of the head from Mom. “Y’all don’t got corporal punishment for not getting an answer right.” Mom hits him again. “See, just like this!” He gets a third.

The room just laughs at him and they continue with the easy banter until Dave gets up to start cooking dinner for everyone. Rose follows him for softer conversation, no longer plying him to be her psychological subject but asking about future college aspirations and hopes with Jade. Dave makes stir fry and rice for everyone. They end up eating it around the coffee table. They have to pry Hal away from Roxy to get em to charge and her to eat. She eats the fastest so that she can get back to researching how the wings work but she’s distracted by the set of nice Japanese swords up on the wall.

“Mom! Why are the boys allowed to have swords when I’m not?” she whines.

“Because you don’t need swords.”

“Yes I do!”

“No. You don’t. You have that set of throwing knives I gave you for your birthday. That punching bag is just collecting dust in the basement. You haven’t gone fencing in three months. You already have that rifle that I gave you for Christmas and you hardly ever take that to the range.”

“Because bullets are so expensive,” she whines. Suddenly all of the boys know what they are getting her for Christmas. “I just want to play around with some swords! Real swords! Hey Dirk and Dave, show me how to strife!”

“Uh...” The twins pause together with forks halfway up to their mouths.

“How ‘bout a nerf gun fight up on the roof for dessert, baby sis? I picked up some new pieces and ya need to show me how to kick the boys’ as- butts.”

“Oooh,” she thinks about it for a second, “That does sound like fun!”

“I even picked up a pink one for ya.”

“Really?”

“Yup.”

“Cool!”

Mom gives Bro a very subtle nod at his deflection. Not that she minded her daughter having weapons but she had so many already. It was about time to get her to cycle through to some of the ones she already has before moving into new ground like the swords her sons use.

Everyone eventually finishes up with dinner and helps with the dishes. Bro and Roxy unpack all of the nerf weapons and lay them out according to who is going to use what. With Mom’s help, they lay out the rules for scoring. D offers to be the judge so that Mom can play as he’s tired from Hollywood. The teams are set up as girls against boys. They head up to the rooftop and engage in battle. Five rounds later and the girls come out as undefeated champions. They lost about half of the foam bullets over the edge of the building but everyone got hit at least once. (Dirk was the only one to nail Mom.)

They come down back to the apartment laughing. The girls pack up and D offers to drive them to their hotel. They all hug and promise to see each other throughout the week before disappearing as quickly as they had arrived.

Bro and the twins collapse on the futon. They share a silent fistbump of accomplishment. They made it through the Lalonde invasion.

 

**Author's Note:**

> For more information please check out our work at striderclan.tumblr.com; we have more stories, head canons, art/pictures.


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